building a resume and posting more pictures of my cat

I just spent a very large portion of my spare time building a professional looking column style resume. I showed it to a fellow student, and they told me that it was bad because people are retarded and they won’t understand how to read it. How is that even remotely possible? There are bumpers, like bowling for retards separating the columns, and there is large protruding bold letters noting locations of key information. I want my resume to be sock blowing and awesome. I don't want my resume to look like some kid made it out of an introductory 9th grade business class.


Oh well, here is another picture of my cat. Awww.